Clan HateIs: Lineage 2 Folklore and Humor

Lineage 2 community humor, collected in one thread of an old clan forum where players spent years dropping in jokes, rhymes, and gags about elves, orcs, dwarves, and the game itself. The spelling and slang are mostly preserved in their original form - this really is how people wrote on the forums.

Lineage-mania: a Ministry of Health warning

The centerpiece of the collection is a satirical "medical" warning that circulated on the forums as a role-play parody of the bureaucratic language of Ministry of Health announcements.

The Ministry of Health of the Russian Federation warns of the rising incidence of Lineage-mania (lineykomaniya). Lineage-mania is a severe infectious-psychiatric disease, accompanied by dependence on the infectious agent (the bacterium Lineage II; the strains currently widespread across the territory of the Russian Federation are C1, C3, and C4), chronic fatigue, loss of interest in the surrounding world, and a split personality.

Symptoms of the disease. The patient develops dark circles under the eyes, is in a perpetually drowsy state, and when asked the reason for his sluggish reactions usually answers: "Lagging." His vocabulary changes drastically, filling up with a mass of words that do not belong to the Russian language and are either distorted borrowings from English, or completely made-up words, or abbreviations/acronyms. Most of the words are 2-3 letters long, and the patient's active vocabulary amounts to about 10 words, the most frequently used being "hi", "bb", "plz", "sps", "np", "WTS", "WTB", "lvl?", "PvP?", "PK", "lol", "lagi". In writing, the patient uses transliteration or a notation system known as "cheburashka" (a transliteration scheme), right up until he is informed of the seemingly obvious fact that you can read Russian.

If you suspect that a person may be infected with Lineage-mania, pay special attention to him on a trip to the store. The patient may try to sell scraps of leather, animal bones, suede, and even tree twigs in the shops. While reading price tags, he may wonder what kind of currency "rub." is and how much that would be in "k" or "kk". Wandering into the children's goods section and examining the product names, he may, with a cry of "Yes! Finally found it!", buy up the entire stock of baby pacifiers. When buying a jacket, the patient practically never pays attention to its quality, color, cut, or even size, but he will try to find out from the salesperson "the grade of this top piece". Having bought new jeans, the patient may change into them right there in the store, then sit down out on the street or the square right on the asphalt, holding above his head a sign reading "WTS djinsy niz deshevo". Before any important undertaking (taking exams, starting a new project, being summoned by the boss), he may turn to those around him with the request "buff plz". On the way home, the patient rummages around in his bag, his pockets, and inside his shirt for a long while, then mutters "darn, all out" and shouts "WTB SoE". Getting no reply, he runs off on foot regardless of whether public transit is available.

Jokes about elves, orcs, and dwarves

• Orcs, halt, one-two! Riiight, now spread out across the meadow, smell the little flowers! There we go! Aren't we just like elves?!

Do you know why the Light Elves help Santa Claus deliver presents, but not Grandfather Frost? Because Grandfather Frost roots for the Orcs!

Two elves once met on the road - a Light one and a Dark one. They stand facing each other from opposite sides, fiddling with their weapons, each waiting for the other to start. Suddenly a dwarf goes whistling between them, an orc walks up and asks: "So, you long-ears, nice goal I scored on you, eh?"

An orc is giving an elf a haircut.

• Elf, do you need your ears?
• Of course.
• Here, catch!

An orc was charging along at full speed on his dragon. And running alongside was a Light-ear, doing his best to look like he was just out for a stroll.

In Dion, in his home, in the living room, a man sits smoking a pipe and reading the morning paper. Suddenly the wall collapses and a gigantic orc comes crashing into the living room with a roar. The man calmly turns his gaze to him, takes out his pipe, and asks:

• May I ask where you are in such a hurry to get to?
• To Giran!
• In that case, it would have been a shorter route for you through the kitchen...

Some orcs captured a crowd of prisoners and said:

• Now you will each tell us who you are and where you are from, and meanwhile we will decide who to eat first. The prisoners answer:
• I am an elf from the Elven Village.
• I am a dwarf from the Dwarven Village.
• And I am Ivan Trofimych, the local forester. And I'm not playing with you lot!

Two dwarves meet:

• Where's your golem? Got drunk and smashed it, I bet?
• To be honest, got high and took it apart.

An orc comes to church for confession and says to the priest:

• Padre, I have sinned.
• What is the nature of your sin, my son?
• I deceived a dwarf... The padre, after a short pause:
• That is no sin, my son. That is a miracle!

How many orcs does it take to sharpen a sword? Three. One will sharpen the sword, and the other two will look for an excuse to fight, so the work doesn't go to waste.

How many Dark Elves does it take to sharpen a sword? One. But he won't sharpen the sword; he'll just sit there dreaming of the days when he can order his servants to sharpen it.

How many dwarves does it take to sharpen a sword? One. And he will, in fact, sharpen it. But you'll never see that sword again afterward.

• How many Dark-ears does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
• None. The lightbulb will be screwed in by a human, while the Dark-ears stand around scoffing contemptuously at this stupid magic.

The elves awoke and saw the stars, for they lay on their backs, and they loved the stars and the night. The humans awoke and saw the rising sun, for they lay on their sides, and they loved the sun and the day. The dwarves awoke and saw nothing, for they lay face down in the dirt, and they thought: why on earth did we have to get so drunk yesterday?

The orc was clearly losing the intellectual debate to the elf, until his heel got involved...

"Not bad either!" said the orc, throwing a rock at an elf and hitting a human instead...

An elf is lecturing an orc:

• Remember, orc, a smart char always doubts everything. Only a noob can be completely sure of anything.
• Are you sure about that, elf?
• Absolutely.

Horde advertisement: If you start playing as an orc, then among other things you'll get the chance to travel the world of Aden, see different locations, meet interesting players, and kill them!

Tyrants, Destroyers, and other classes

An Orc Tyrant is standing there, and an Elf Archer runs past. Suddenly the elf fires an arrow into the Tyrant's back and starts to flee. The Tyrant, without a second thought, catches up to the elf and finishes him off in five seconds. Then he crouches over the elf's corpse and asks:

• So what did you want, anyway?
• Oh, nothing. (after a pause) I just want to level up a Tyrant too, but people say they run slowly...

A footrace in the world of Aden. First to cross the finish line was a destroer! Everyone else just ended up there.

A warning on the gates of the orc village: "Don't run from the Tyrants - you'll die tired!"

Two humans meet. One says to the other:

• I don't get why everyone raves about this Tyrant. He's got no powerful attack, no decent armor, his stun is nothing, and sleep and poison land on him no problem.
• Oooh! And have you actually fought a Tyrant?
• Well, no. An Elf gave me an impression of one yesterday.

Orcs are storming a castle. The Destroyer takes a running start and headbutts the gate. The gate shatters to splinters, the horde rushes in and captures the city. The castle is repaired and reinforced, the orcs storm it again - and once again the Destroyer breaks the gate down headfirst on the run. After a while the horde comes back to plunder again. The Destroyer takes a running start, headbutts the gate, and flies back with a yelp. He quietly sneaks up to the gate and peeks through a crack. He sees - on the other side stands another Destroyer, firmly bracing his head against the gate.

A dwarf and an elf are fighting in PvP. The elf is, naturally, running away while taking shots from his bow, and the dwarf is keeping up almost step for step. Then the archer stops and quits shooting. The dwarf, baffled, says:

• What, run out of mana?
• No, arrows.
• Want me to sell you some?

A party gathered to take down Orfen. They fought for a long time, killed it, but the BH in the party died, and there's no cleric. BH: Guys, anybody got scrolls? The group, after digging through their pockets: No. BH: Want to buy some?...

Two orcs are standing in Human Village. One asks the other:

• How'd you save up for C-grade? The second one says:
• It's all about charm. I walk up to a noob and ask: stewed meat or 1000 adena?

Chat, raids, and bosses

Players' last words before death. The Silver Ranger: hmmm... red? Whatever, I'll just run if it comes to it. The Shillien Knight: now it's my turn to tank. The Prophet: afk, making tea. The Gladiator: either I croak, or one of two things... The Warlord: the little train started up and went "chuff, chuff, chuff..." The Destroyer: heck, I've got more HP than Antharas! Antharas: Guys, lose something? The Elven Elder: Oh come on! Who tanks like that??? I'll show you... The Shaman: Yeah, good luck interrupting my cast!

General chat near Cruma (on the official server): First: !DD LFG (Damage Dealer Looking For Group) Second: !What? First: !DD LFG Second: !What does it mean? First (whispering): Kozel (jerk) Second: !Sam kozel!!! (You're the jerk!!!) (based on a true story)

A clan goes out to fight a boss. leader: who's tanking? sh.elder: dunno, I think it's me, the DA's asleep, they're attacking me. leader: DA, did you fall asleep or what? DA: sorry, phone call, 2 min afk. leader: ugh, what a raid this is...

A GM logs into the game for an inspection. He and his support walk through Giran - the square is clean, polished, not a single vendor in sight.

• Who put the square in order?
• The Destroyer!
• Good job, Destroyer! They enter a zone - everything is washed, scrubbed, gleaming.
• Who's on duty?
• The Destroyer! Bring him to me!
• Good job, Destroyer, I commend you!
• Thank you, comrade GM, and would you please do up your top button?
• WHAT, ARE YOU SAYING THAT TO ME, A GM??!! The support lowers his left arm - a black eye covering the whole socket:
• Comrade GM, the Destroyer doesn't repeat himself twice!

Folk bestiary and rhymes

Besides the jokes, whole "field guides" and poems were born on the forum. Here are a couple of samples.

The life of a scavenger (skav) in a clan, as the forum-goers saw it:

To get a scav inclined toward gathering resources, you need to create every condition for a carefree life for him. Scavs are the only members of the clan who get fully geared at the clan's expense. A scav should always have a party or pacifiers, since they make lousy warriors. The best party for a scav is an SE: it can buff, heal, and share mana, and that ensures non-stop spoil. There is nothing worse than a hungry scav - that's when he starts selling resources on the side or dumping them at the shop.

And a fragment of a long forum poem about everyday server life:

The voice of a Robin-Hood gatherer dissolved in a sea of flood. He's shouting in the square: "Selling spice-peppers, folks!" But it's not meant to be heard - there's a whole gang of bots. Selling here is just torture; easier to shoot GK with a bow.

A fighter got killed at Cruma, he sends a runner to the CL. But the runner had barely set off - and that's the end of the connection. The admins on the servers had worked themselves to the bone: Sensei was heading out for a smoke break, caught his foot on the cord...